2 Years of Pain vs 2 plus weeks

How the heck did I make it through two years of pain when I was living at home. I honestly have not idea how I made it through those two years. The type of pain and the strength of the pain I had, I can not even start to comprehend it. It is almost like it is wiped from my memory sometimes. The reason I am talking about this is because of the pain I have been experiencing in my throat. It is grueling and it has only been about two weeks and it is eating me up. (Ha, no pun intended on the eating me up). The pain consumes you. It is all you can concentrate on sometimes. I just must ask again and again how did I do pain for 2 years? Well I did it and it was not easy. Painkillers helped but the mental anguish of pain is so tough to deal with. Please do not get me wrong. I am OK right now. Pain is just one of those things that do not allow you to fully enjoy the moment. That is what I am dealing with. Powering through the pain and enjoying my time with my family. I love saying my family.

Otherwise, I have found a chicken pot pie that is soft and has good nutrients in it that we have been eating. Alek is starting to grow hair. It looks blondish brown. We can not tell yet, because it is like peach fuzz on his head.

I just wanted to say that our groups of friends are a very fortunate and successful group. You are all blessed with good health and beautiful families. Do not take this for granted. You all have special qualities and are special people. Take each moment of life and cherish it. Cherish every moment. Do not sweat the small stuff. Make it goal to appreciate your life every day. Take a step back and say what about today is good about my life and embrace it.

Settling In

We are starting to settle in at home. Starting to get the place in semi order. It is crazy how difficult that is with a baby. Alek is 10.3 pounds as of yesterday. We went to the doctor. He has a little cold but nothing to worry about. He is really starting to grow and change. It looks like he is starting to get some hair also. Some looks blond and some looks light brown. So only time will tell. We also can not tell what color his eyes will be. This part kills me. I just want to know what color his eyes are. I guess it takes up to 6 months. When you think about babies it really is a miracle. How they develop in the womb and when they come out they are alive and screaming. It is amazing to have created life. It is amazing to see life grow into this little being and think we are responsible for every moment of his life is awesome. Don't get me wrong I am scared also, but that just goes with the territory.

The greatest thing about my recent health problems is that I have been able to spend time with Alek and Kath. There is no question about that. It is truly a timing issue that is a gift. Not that I would ever want to go through what I am going through of course but you take the good when you can. I am feeling pretty good considering I can not eat much solid food. Mashed Potatoes, pancakes, eggs, ice-cream, Lipton noodle soup have become a staples. I can not wait for my throat to get better. I am sure you guys are sick of hearing that but that is what I am going through. It is a grueling grinding pain in my throat that will not go away. AHHHHHH.

Well it is a nice sunny day here in Hollis. It looks like it is in the upper 40's. Maybe I can get out and take a little walk.

Over and Out
The B Man

My love of my life

Katherine just continues to amaze me with her stamina and support. I have been so tired and trying to pull my weight as much as possible. She is doing so much and powering through this it is amazing. She has such resolve and determination it is so great to see. She is so good with Alek even when she is tired. She keeps her cool and talks to him in the gentle motherly voice. I can not help but smile myself. She is the best. I worry about her so much. I just wish I could do more right now. I get the Baba ready. I feed him. I even change diapers. I know. I am just so tired that sometimes I can not contribute and that kills me. It is such a wrenching feeling in you gut. It really sucks. The LG (Little Guy) is getting heavier too. I have to be careful with my back and the thought of not be able to carry him is mind blowing to me. Scary and sad. Hopefully I can build my stamina back up and that will not be a problem when I can start eating solid foods again. Well speaking of Alek he needs a bottle, I got to run run run.

Later

Back Home

We are back home. We had quite the ride. Up until Manchester, NH everything was grand. Then our first witness to a baby meltdown. Alek woke up and just started crying like crazy. He was hungry and did not want to wait and could not wait. By the time we pulled over he had tears streaming down his face. The rookies we are were not even prepared. We did not even have a bottle ready. Rookies. We know better than that. Well we got him fed and then we were off to Hollis.

As many of you know and I believe I have mentioned we are going to be selling our house. The funny part is that we have really convinced our self that we did not even like our house while we were away. Our minds had convinced us that we did not like our house. That is how powerful the mind can be. It can make you think something you don't believe. Well the bottom line is we love our house. We were very happy to be home and sad of the thought of selling it. We have put so much time and effort into this house. My parents have put so much time into this house. Friends have put so much time into this house. We are really sad about selling it, but we both know that downgrading at this point to a townhouse is a good decision. With the future uncertain we need to get ourselves in the best situation for us and Alek.

My throat is still in a huge amount of pain. It is absolutely brutal. It hurts to drink water. Let me repeat myself on that one. It hurts to drink water. Crazy uh. Eating is like torture. I am hoping and praying it gets better soon. I have not really explained why this happened. It is from the radiation and the way the radiation goes through the body. Since they radiated the neck area they go through and around the upper throat. The throat being as sensitive as it is gets the effects and gets sore. That is the main side effect and fatigue. I just can wait to eat normal.

Going to hang out with Alek and Kat. See you all soon.

Love ya all
Kris

Going Back to Hollis, Hollis, Hollis

First off Happy Easter Everyone.

Frank is getting the car packed up. Wow! It is crazy how much stuff we have, just crazy. The little guy has double what we do. All the stuff you need and have to have amazes me.

Excited to get home. I am intrigued how Alek will be at home. He has been up here in Hanover for a month or so. He will be in a new world for a while and then when I go to Houston it looks like Kath and Alek will come back here. I just wanted to thank Frank and Betty for putting up with us. I know it has not been easy. I am sure you can not wait to have some privacy. You guys have been great. Thanks for all the support and help getting back to Radiation. We love you.

I am lost for words right now so I guess that is it for the day. I will write later today or early this week.

I just want to say I love everyone of my family and friends so much. You guys are the world to me and I could not get through this without each and everyone of you. Inspiration is what you all give me, Inspiration.

Mom and Dad, Happy Easter!!! I love you so much. Thank you for everything also. Dad thanks for putting up with me while I go through this and thanks for driving back and forth to take me to radiation. You are my savior and always there, that is your best quality.

The Big B

Done with Radiation

Yahoooo. I am done with Radiation. What a relief. My throat is brutal. You know when you get a chip caught in your throat, that is what it feels like 24-7. But just the thought of being done gives me a lift. I am about to get some oatmeal. Yummy. Soft food is king right now.

I will be heading back to Houston on April 14th for about a week plus. Lots of tests and then I start the Clinical Trial that I went out there originally for. It is such a bitter sweet thing. I can not bear the thought of leaving Alek and Katherine though. It kills me just thinking about it. It really does. I hate the thought of Kath being alone. It is not what I want or what she wants but we both know there is no other option. I just thank god that I know that she can handle it. I have complete confidence in her. I do. I know it will be tough but she is a stud in perseverance. She is. I love that word by the way. Perseverance!!!! It is what we all do and must do.

Alek has been really playful lately. He is smiling like crazy. It is so fun seeing him smile. There is nothing like it. He loves looking at stuffed animal bears. He loves the big eyes.

Thanks for all the comments on the blogs and emails.

2 Treatments to Go

Wahhooooooo!! 2 more treatments to go. I will done Friday at 9am. I am so pumped you can not even imagine. My throat is killing me. They say that should go away pretty quick. I hope so. I can not wait to not have to worry about what I have to eat. I am not sure what it is going to be. Right now I am thinking a nice juicy hamburger or a steak, but that might be a while.

Will be back in Hollis on Saturday and can not wait to start introducing Alek to you guys. He is really growing fast. Crazy. Getting a little chub working. I love putting him in my knees and playing with him. He is starting to smile and make noises. He plays with this little rattle toy. He grabs it and shakes it. It is so much fun. I never imagined loving someone so much. It is awesome!!!! He is my inspiration.

March Madness starts today. I feel like I am in college again. I am watching college basketball. Funny.

Well, lets get in touch and make plans people. I can not wait to see you all. Love you.