Happy Thanksgiving!!

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy the time with families and friends as that is what it the most important thing in the world. Plus good eats is not to bad either.

I will be in the Hospital all day Friday getting a Pet Scan and MRIs. I am there from 10 to about 5:30pm. These test will give let us know if the tumors are stable, growing, shrinking or if there are any new tumors. It has been at least 4 months since my last MRI so this is a big test. One thing about being at the hospital is I will avoid all crowds as everyone will be shopping. Big black Friday.

Alek has two really bad ear infections and has trouble sleeping the past two nights, which mean Katherine and Kris don't sleep either. However I am amazed how the handle these illnesses. He is fussier and needs more attention then normal but in general they take the pain pretty well. They are amazing little critters.

I have been feeling OK. Just really tired at night, even when I nap during the day. My feet and hands are starting to hurt again. I think they are hurting again because I stopped the chemo for a few days. So the cycle is kind restarted itself.

Have a good Thurkey Day!!

Kris "The Cancer Killer" Beinder

Feeling Better and the Holidays!!

I am starting to feel better. A large part of my illness was that I was having withdrawal symptoms from steroids. The docs are trying to reduce the amount of steroids I am on and I guess they just took them down to fast. I was having shaky hands, major stomach cramps and muscle cramps. It is crazy the side effects of drugs and medicine that your body is not supposed to be on. That is why if I don't have to take meds I don't. That is why when I have a head ache, I do everything I can to avoid taking an Asprin or Advil. When I have had my surgeries and the docs give me pain killers, I avoid them unless absolutely necessary.

Alek has been falling asleep everyday on the way to daycare. It is normally when I am about five minutes from the daycare. So I have been going for a little drive around daycare so he can get at least a 20 to 30 minute nap. It is depressing to drive around and see all these people's homes. All I can think is I wish I had a home that I knew I was going to be in for a long time. I am just so sick of not being settled. It is not fun when you come home everyday and you have to think how long will we be here. Where will we go? It is just such an empty feeling. I know many of you have moved or have sold a home, but when you are forced to sell your home it just leaves a really bad taste in your mouth.

Thanksgiving is coming up. It is such a great Holiday. I love all the food and getting together with family. I really miss seeing my family from PA during this time and I miss my Grandpa. He loved Thanksgiving. I loved spending Thanksgiving with him. Eating the bird then drinking a beer and watching football. There is really nothing better then that. Spending time with family is something that we should really treasure. Some of us don't have the family that others do. I have to think of my good friend, the Skipper. Every holiday I think of him. His parents were so amazing and I can not imagine the Holidays without my parents. He has been so amazing dealing with he has gone through that I often draw of him. I love you man. The greatest thing is that Skip has carried on a tradition that his parents were apart of. He delivers food and gifts to people in need in the Foxboro area for the Holidays. He is giving back to the community as his parents did. This is what life is about. In times like we are in today, it is important to give to people in need. What are you doing this Holiday to help out people in need??? If you are not doing anything, you should!!! That is my soapbox statement for the day. I welcome your comments on this.

Thank you to the new followers that signed up. If you have not signed up as a follower please do. I LOVE to see who is reading my blog.

Got the Bug????

Well, I am feeling like crap and have been for about 4 days or so. I finally got the stomach bug that Alek and Katherine had. I have been quarantined to the guest bedroom. I have not been able to really eat anything during this time. In addition my face is totally breaking out from the chemo and steroids. It is not a pretty picture. In addition I have not been able to help or watch Alek as I don't want to get him sick. It is totally depressing. This is when I get scared as to what would happen if I get really sick again or I have to take a chemo treatment that makes me feel this way. I just want to get better and sometimes it seems that this is never going to happen. I do not want to die!!! I want to be able to live like all of you reading this blog. Feel blessed everyday that you are healthy, because without your health you have nothing. Many people understand how lucky they are and many people have no clue how lucky they are. This is one gift I have been given by being sick, I see the world much differently then most. Things that other people worry about are worries I wish I had. I do not take one thing for granite. Everything in life is precious to me. This year has been tough and the support I have received from friends, family, neighbors and strangers has been overwhelming. I really just want to be able to do for others and others have done for me. Isn't that what life is about? Treat others as you want to be treated. Helping others as you would want to be helped. Feeling for others the way you would want to be felt for. I could go on. If we all lived by these principles everyday, I think it would be a different world.

A part of my daily routine is worrying about Katherine and Alek's future without me being able to contribute. It is a tough on the male ego to not be able to be the rock/the provider in the family. Let's just hope that someday, hopefully sooner then later, that I will be back. Right now I just don't feel like myself and I am not sure what I need to get me out of the funk I am in.

The support from the People article continues with many great letters of support. I am touched everyday when Cathy and Alison stop by with the letters and the donations.

Obama Wins, Test Results and People Mag.

First, Barak Obama has won. We will see if he can deliver on a few things he promised. I hope he can reform some of the healthcare topics he discussed. I have a self vested interest in this obviously.

Second, I got my test results back today and they are similar to the past couple of months. The Prolaction levels have dropped but not significantly. They have dropped almost 100 points. This is not great but it is not bad. The question is to continue this treatment or change gears. I am starting to think that changing gears might be something to start looking into however for now I am going to continue on the Nexavar for another month. I will be getting some MRIs and PET Scans this month to see how and if the tumors are growing or if there are any new tumors. Let's keep our fingers crossed. One thing the doctor is afraid of is the side effects from the steroids I am on. These side effects include osteoporosis, diabetes, weak bones and vascular narcosis. The Vascular Narcosis is what caused me to get a hip replacement when I was on steroids while I was dying. The thought of another fake hip is a little scary, especially since I have been experiencing some pain in my real hip.

Third, a much happier and positive note. The support that came from the People Magazine article has been overwhelming. I have received tons of letters from people. It is amazing that people respond in the volume they do to an article like this. A large majority of the people sending donations and letters have or are experiencing rough times themselves. You can tell that they are salt of the earth people that were upset that we are in jeopardy of loosing our house due to my fight with cancer and the insurance company. I can not thank Alison and Cathy and the Apple Tree Farm team for organizing this event and then following it up with the article. They have given the term neighbors a whole new definition. This is why we chose a small community like Hollis, because of the close knit community.

Alek and Katherine are recovering from a stomach bug. Alek got it first and Katherine caught the bug. I am exhausted because I have had to be the caretaker. I have learned from the best (Kath and my mom). I take a lot of pride in being the caretaker because I have been taken care of so much. I would like to think I am pretty good at it. Little pat on the back for me, HA HA HA. They are both starting to feel better, but they are both tired.

That is is for now, I am looking for some more followers so if you read the blog on a consistent basis and have not signed up as a follewer please do, Please!!!

Kris "The Cancer Killer" Beinder

Palin the Scapegoat

This is a good article to read if you don't like Palin or McCain.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/15073

Followers and stuff...

Thanks to all the people who have signed up as followers, 11 so far. This is very cool. Thank you!!! I appreciate it. It means a lot to me to see who is reading the blog on a consistent basis.

I am struggling with fatigue, especially in the evening time. It is very tough because this is when Alek wants to play and sometimes I just can not keep up. I just wish I had more stamina. I have to think to myself it could be much worse, but also better.

I am also mentally in a kinda state of confusion. I am bored yet there are so many things I want to do and should be doing. I need to write thank you letter to all the sponsors of the KPB Classic. I want to start cooking, backing up my photo from my PC, start working out and several things I can not even think of now. It is strange to be so bored and yet have little ambition to do anything. I just can not seem to motivate right now. I try and then I get side tracked by the TV, the Web, laundry, nap time. etc.

My biggest wish and dream would be able to help people going through what I am going through. I feel that the experience I have had is untapped. I feel I could help many people fighting and surviving cancer. I also feel that I could learn a great deal from others. I really think someday this dream will come true. I just need to get this round of my battle under control. I just hope that I can hold on long enough for cancer treatments to continue to advance as they have. I just hope I can get access to the drugs. That is what is also worrisome. I guess only time will tell. I just gots to keep on fighting.

Well my laptop battery is about to die. Got to run.

Later
Kris

People Magazine

I will be making an appearance in PEOPLE MAGAZINE tomorrow. My neighbor from Apple Tree Farm who put on the Pony/Horse ride fundraiser contacted them to inform them about the event and my struggles. They were here last week and did a photo shoot of my family and Alison (our awesome neighbor). I can not thank her enough for all her efforts. She has really gone above and beyond trying to help us. She is an angel. Her staff and riders have also been tremendous and supportive. We could not ask for better neighbors and friends. That is why it is so depressing to think that if we sell our house where we will end up. Just not fun to think about.

They are doing article on heroes that are helping out people in need in the down economy/bad times. It is a short article, but it is still very cool to be able to say that I am in people magazine. One part of the article is about the insurance company not paying for my meds. The author of the story had to call my insurance company to verify this was true. Ever since the insurance company has called me at least five times. They have offered me ideas and sources that might be able to help out. It is really funny how they react with a little pressure and exposure. It should not be this way, but the squeaky wheel gets the oil. It is so true.

Otherwise, I am doing OK. Still very tired and napping a good amount during the day. Today was a good napping day, about 3 hours. I needed it though. My hands and feet have been soar but manageable. I have a doctor's appointment next Tuesday (Nov. 11th). This will be a big day to see if the drugs are working. The waiting game is not fun. The word that I have used in the past and will use again is grinding. The thoughts of fear and anxiety just grind in your mind.

Kath has been crazy busy with work. She works several hours a night to keep up. This makes it tough on her to do most of the house work and take care of her work. This is the most frustrating thing for me, not being able to help around the house as much as I would like. She is so amazing to keep going day after day, dealing what we are dealing with. She is so strong. I don't know what I would do without my soul mate. I love you Katherine.

Alek is starting to really get his personality. He is a crazy little guy. He wants to start walking. He is standing and holding on to anything he can reach. He is walking along the couches, walls and coffee tables. It you hold is hands he will walk around the house. (As I am writing this he and Kath come walking around the corner). This is scary but also so exciting. He is constantly smiling and laughing. He is the ultimate ball of joy. He is AWESOME.

Well not much else to report here. Please feel free to join the follower area of my blog. It would be great to see who is following on a consistent basis.

Kris