Week off coming to an End

Well I am just finishing up my week off from chemo. I must say it was really nice not having to drive into Boston twice during the week. It was also nice not having to spend 1o plus hours in Boston twice a day. I am not sure if I feel as rested as I should but I do feel some what rejuvenated (to an extent). It is tough to feel rejuvenated because rejuvenated often goes along with words like energized and ready for the next steps. I don't feel energized to get chemo. I mean who loves chemo. The only people who love chemo are the cancer patients that know their chemo is working. Right now I am not one of those cancer patients. I hope to be but it may take another month to truly know if the chemo is working. Let us cross or fingers.

Alek is really starting to talk more. He is really using Mama and Dada more often. He also just added Bye Bye to his 3 word vocabulary. It is pretty cool to hear them start to speak, especially when he said "bye bye Dada" the other day. That was a special moment.

Other then that there is not much going on. I am starting my chemo on Monday again. So I will update you if I hear anything else.

Over and out.
Kris

End of Cycle One

I ended my treatments for my first cycle on Friday. Now I have a week off and then start up again next week. The good thing is then second cycle does not have any 10 hour days. They are all 3 to 5 hours depending on blood counts. I have not been feeling the greatest lately. I have been tired and nausea. I have just been feeling blahhh. The one thing that will be very interesting to see is what the Prolactin level will be on Monday. Like stated in earlier blogs, this will give us an indication if the drug is working.

Otherwise I have been down mentally. I kind of feel like I am on an Island by myself. I have been feeling like I am the only one fighting this fight. In reality I am but in reality I have a huge supporting cast that is helping me fight this fight. I don't know why I feel the way I am feeling I just do sometimes. I guess sometimes I just get tired of feeling like crap on a daily basis. I am tired of waking up tired. It just wears you down when you are already worn down. It is also depressing not being able to do what regular people do. I want to go Skiing. I want to go to the gym. I want to play soccer. I don't want to be stuck in my house. I know that Kath feels the same. She wishes we could do more things but with the way I have been feeling lately it is just impossible to make plans to do something. We just don't know how I will feel that day. We also cannot do many physical activities like hiking, walking, swimming and more. It is just one of those things that come along with having cancer and a hip replacement. I also wish that I could get in better shape, I have been saying this for years but I never seem to be able to find the time and the energy to work out. I am sick of getting tired after walking through the mall. Well I am sorry to bore you with many things you already know. It is just the thoughts and emotions I am feeling right now.

I spent the weekend with my Parents while Kath spent the weekend with hers. The reason is I had to be at Dana Farber on Friday and Saturday. We had a good time and I appreciate the support my Dad has given me through the first treatment cycle. It has not been easy but I love him and I know he loves me. Thanks Dad.

I missed Alek and Kath. Alek got his first hair cut, kind of. The only hairs that were cut were on the back of his head near his neck. If we did not cut it he would have had a mullet soon.

Well got to go get some snooze time.
Later Skaters
Kris

Treatment Update

So after a beautiful weekend, winter came back with a thunder this morning. I was due to start my 3rd week of treatments. However the weather was just not cooperating. My dad was on the road for 2 hours plus and he had not even made it to my house so I decided it would be best to cancel versus going into Boston with this type of weather. I felt really bad for my dad that he had to drive that far and then turn around. Sorry dad. I made a big mistake of not checking the weather. I just assumed that with the weather being so nice it would not go from 60 to a major snow storm. I guess I forgot we lived in New England. So now my treatment will be Tuesday and Friday this week. Then I will have next week off. That is how this cycle works. A cycle is a 28 day period of treatments. My cycle is 3 weeks of treatments then one week off.

Otherwise I am feeling OK. The side effects don't seem as bad as they were in the beginning. However, I know that can change each treatment, but for now I am pleased with how I am reacting to the chemo. At the start of the second cycle I will also find out, to some degree, how the treatment is working by testing the Prolactin. We most likely will have to wait untill the end of the second cycle to really see if it is working but there may be some indication of how it is working after the first cycle. Let's hope for the best.

Alek has been doing OK. He is still battling colds and ear aches. I feel so bad for him. I am hoping this will come to an end soon as the weather gets better. He is still my little guy and I love him so much. He is also a really funny guy. Sometimes the things he does put me into hysterics. Sometimes the things he does drive me crazy, but I guess that is what parenting is all about. No one said it was easy. I just wish I had more energy to really play with him. I can get down and play with him for a while, but then either the pain or fatigue hits me and I have to take a break. I hate that, but to him I am "Dada" and hearing those words come out of his mouth is the best thing in the world.

Yesterday, I spoke to my friend Eric, who I met at the LIVESTRONG summit. Every year he runs 33 miles to raise money for various cancer organizations. He has informed me that he will be running for me this year. I am deeply honored and thankful for this gesture. Eric is a testicular cancer survivor and he is in remission. He dedicates his life to his family and friends. He is an amazing person and a great friend. I will be posting more information about the run in the next coming weeks. Please keep an eye out for this. Thanks ERIC!!! Love you like a brother!!

Kris

The Power of Drugs

OK, I have been taken Morphine for the past couple of days to help my extreme pain in my back. Pain Killers are truly an amazing drug. For one they stop pain. Pain, simply put, SUCKS!!!!. I know I have said this in past post, but I will say it again. Pain is so mentally exhausting and takes control of your mind. Any thought you have fall away and the pain takes over. It blocks your ability to function as a regular human being. You try to read, watch TV and sleep but the pain is still there. Hence the importance of Pain Killers. Even though I hate taking them because of their side effects I need them to function. I think I hate them because I hate feeling dependent on them. I think they rule my world and I hate that hanging over my head. I also think that since I was in an almost coma like state for two year and being on the strongest pain killers the thought of going back on them brings me back to those times. These two years were not fun, actually the worst two years of my life and I am scared to go back there especially with Alek and Kath in my life. I would hate for them to see me that way. All of you who saw me know exactly why.

Well I had to get another blood transfusion today because the treatment is kicking my ass. I can only hope this is a good sign that the drug is working since is affecting my blood counts so hard. The doctors say that this sometimes will happen. Strong side effects often mean the drug is working. This is not science or does it have medical proof. It is like a wife's tail. Let's hope those wives are right. They are most of the time. At least mine is (ha ha ha). I also had an MRI to rule out the spinal cord is not being compromised and is not the source of the pain. The results were positive; however there are still large tumors at the top and bottom of the spine that could be causing the pain and are dangerous. I am hoping I don't need further radiation or surgery and can continue on this trial to see if it works. My docs in Dartmouth will review the MRI and give me their opinion. For now we go forward with the trial until further side effects or pain stops me from doing so. Thank to everyone who had offered rides and helped me get down to Dana Farber including my dad (Boris) and Jack Walsh. Cathy, Kathy and Marilyn I look forward to you helping me the next couple of weeks.

I love you all and can't wait to see you in the spring as it become more fun to get together. Easier also.

Kris "The Crazy" Austrian
Auf Wieder Sehen

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Today is the day after my second treatment. So there is good and bad news. Which one first. I guess most people take the bad first.

I woke up and took Alek down stairs to play as Kath caught a couple extra minutes of sleep. All of a sudden I started to experience extreme pain in my back and I am still experiencing now. It is a really piercing pain and it is not going away. It is not as severe right now as it was in the morning. Of course that is due to the morphine I took. I have been experiencing this pain for a few weeks but it was mild and it would come and go. I can only predict it is a new or old tumor that is acting up. All I can say that back pain is one of the worst pains as many of you know. So we will see how it feels today and over the weekend. Most likely an MRI will have to be done to see if there is something causing this.

The Good news is that I am not feeling as bad as I did after the first treatment. I am not throwing up, nor do I have the diarrhea (sorry I just like saying that work. Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha. You all know the sone. When your sliding into first and your pants begin to burst ________. Fill in the blank). This could change any minute but as of right now that is the story.

I also wanted to let you know I have started another blog. Yes another one. It is titled, Alek my LG. It is a blog where I will be letting Alek know about his dad.

Sorry for the boring posts lately. I just have been focusing on keeping you updated.

Over and out Big Buddy
KPB

First Treatment

My first treatment was Monday. Like most chemos the side effect were normal. Throwing up, try heaving and diarrhea I actually spent all Monday night throwing in up and running to the bathroom. I felt like absolute sh*^. I guess that is what happens when they put poison in your body. Then I spent all day Tuesday getting meds and liquids to combat the side effects. With chemo you never know which way it is going to go for future treatments. Is is going to get worse or better? Lets hope for the latter. Lets hope it works. I keep saying to myself if it works all the pain and feeling awful is worth it. If it give me one more day with my family and friends it is worth it. So please work.

Facebook rocks. For all of you who read this blog who are on facebook. I would like to thank you for your thoughts and words of inspiration. Everyday I go on and it is great to see old time friends sending me love. I love it. You all help me get through the day. Thanks so much and keep those post coming.

Otherwise there is not much to say really. I am sure all of you in the Northeast are as sick of the weather as I am. Go away winter, Go away.

I need to get a voice recorder because when I am away from the computer I have these very deep and intense thought and when I get to the computer I can not remember them. It sucks. I want to share these thoughts with you. It will be funny when I get it because some of them come at night. I can just see it now. Me talking in the middle of the night and Kath waking up and looking over at me and being like what are you doing?? Funny huh. I am sure some of you can see that picture.

It is funny it feels like my vacation was months ago already. I need and want another one. It is going to be a while until that happens. If the summer gets here sooner than later that would help. I HATE THE COLD!!!!

Out ah heeeeere.
The B Man. Large and in charge of fighting the fight. Peace out!

Back from FL and back to Boston

Well, I am currently sitting in a bed in the Dana Farber Cancer Center. I am getting some tests for the clinical trial I am about to start on Monday. I got a call from Dana Farber while on vacation and they stated they had a spot open for when I get back or I would have to wait six weeks. So I jumped on it. We got back Tuesday and I had to be down in Boston on Wednesday. I had hoped to have a few days to decompose from the vacation, but beggars can not be choosers. So I will be here in Boston every Monday and Thursday. Mondays will be 10 hours days and Thursday's will be 2 hours days. This is one of the few trials available to me so let's hope it works.

Vacation was great. The weather was great. The company was great. We went to Disney a couple days. We went to Magic Kingdom and the Animal Kingdom. Alek enjoyed both of them. He went on a couple rides and really loved them. He really likes animals, birds and fish. We also went to Discovery Cove to swim with the Dolphins, which was very very cool. They had this aviary with all these exotic birds. They gave you this bird food you could hold in your hand. These exotic birds would land on you hand and eat the food. I thought this was cool, but Alek thought it was cool also. He was laughing and trying to touch the birds. It was awesome to see. We also went to SeaWorld. I really enjoyed this. We saw a few shows. Alek was really into the Dolphin show because there was constant action. It is amazing to see their little brains working. We really had a great time and I hope to return in a few years.

I wanted to thank my parents for being so helpful and supportive in Florida and also in general. Your help and support is truly appreciated. We know it is not easy but we love you and thank you for all you have done and do.

Kris