Weehhh Haah, The next chapter is about to be written. I am accepted into the Clinical Trial. I will start tomorrow (4/18/08). I will then have to return to Houston one day a week for 5 weeks. That is a bit of a pain but you got to do what you got to do. I will have to be in Houston on Thursday's. That means I will fly out on Wednesday and return in the afternoon on Thursday pending any problems or side effects that may arise. If the chemo works after the first 28 days, then I only have to come back once a month. So it is just a matter of getting through the first 5 weeks. So we will see. Just another waiting game. Chemo, Chemo, Chemo.
We have met some incredible people out here. This place (MD Anderson Cancer Center) is remarkable. It is such a HUGE hospital dedicated to cancer. The people you meet are amazing people. Some are worse off then you and some are better, but the fact that you are surrounded by thousands of cancer patients puts a lot in perspective. It is scary in one way that so many people have cancer. It provides hope in that so many people have the chance to be treated and live longer lives. It is inspiring because you know you are not the only one going through this. And trust me, I have had a tough go but there are many people that may have not had as long as a battle but are worse off. That is what gives me hope and sometimes makes me cry. I know I am a complete sap, but when you have gone through what I have your emotions run at an all time high. Most of you have witnessed it. There are a bunch of people that I have seen wearing this T-Shirt and hat with a very cool logo. The logo is "CANCER SUCKS!". I got a kick out of that. We may have to make up some our own "Cancer Sucks" t-shirts for the KPB Classic. It is never to early to think about the KPB Classic. Wow, we are getting to the age where some or your kids are going to be playing. Scary!!!
Over and out.
The Beinder Man
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Houston
In Houston, TX baby. The weather is really nice here. We sat out the first day and I actually got a little sun burnt. My mom has been sitting out every day. She is a sun worshipper. It has been sleep, eat, test, eat and sleep out here. I have had MRIs, CT scans, X-Rays and blood tests. It has not been relaxing but also not to hectic.
Meet with the Docs tomorrow to determine the plan. I am anxious, scared and hopeful about this meeting. I am still not feeling the greatest I have ever felt so I am a little scared to start chemo again. That is where I am right now mentally so I have to push on. I am sure the Docs will also help me figure out if I am ready for chemo yet or not. It is just scary to start chemo when you are still not 100%, but the thought of waiting is also scary. I am in a catch 22. A win win situation.
I miss Katherine and Alek really bad. I shed at least one tear a day thinking about them and especially Alek (sorry baby, I love you so much you know that). I was telling someone here in TX that he is the reason to live and push forward but that is also the scary part. I just want to be here as long as possible for him and Kath and all of you.
Well keep it real y'all
Kris
Meet with the Docs tomorrow to determine the plan. I am anxious, scared and hopeful about this meeting. I am still not feeling the greatest I have ever felt so I am a little scared to start chemo again. That is where I am right now mentally so I have to push on. I am sure the Docs will also help me figure out if I am ready for chemo yet or not. It is just scary to start chemo when you are still not 100%, but the thought of waiting is also scary. I am in a catch 22. A win win situation.
I miss Katherine and Alek really bad. I shed at least one tear a day thinking about them and especially Alek (sorry baby, I love you so much you know that). I was telling someone here in TX that he is the reason to live and push forward but that is also the scary part. I just want to be here as long as possible for him and Kath and all of you.
Well keep it real y'all
Kris
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Short People Make Good Athletes
Wow it has been a long time since I posted. Sorry about that. It in not for a lack of thinking on my behalf. It is the act of being lazy and content. A quick update. My throat is much better. I am starting to eat almost anything I want. I am starting to gain some of the weight I lost back. Going to Houston next week. Marg and I leave Monday in the early morning.
This morning I was thinking about what has shaped my life and what in my aspects of growing up has given me the strength to fight this mad disease they call cancer. There were two things that came to my mind. One was the fact that I was into sports and was an athlete. The other was my size or should I say lack of size. You can laugh. We all know I am not the biggest guy in the world. I was always picked on from the early days all the way to College. I can remember many times being called every name you could think of for a short person. You name it I've heard it. I remember playing soccer in high school and the opposing team's fans would stand behind the goal and just tool on me. Can you grab the cross bar? Well they had a right to pick on me, I was short but I had something that always helped me. I was smart and I was crazy. That helped. When I was young the name calling tended to bother me more then when I was older. I guess I was used to it and I got good coaching from Mom and Dad on how to deal with it. Maggie and Bruno were great in coaching me on how to deal with it. They would say "you show them that being short does not matter by doing .........". I did show them. I think this is where a great deal of my perseverance comes from. I never let people who put me down get in the way of my goals. I always felt like I had something to prove. I always had a challenge to overcome. I never had anything given to me. It wasn't like someone said look at that Beinder kid, he is really short. He is going to be a star. No that did not happen. I had to prove myself and show people my worth. There was one thing I know is that I always gave it my best. Whether it was learning a foreign language so I could fit in. Whether it was trying to find friends after we had moved to a new town. Whether is was stepping on the ice with a bunch of Austrians without knowing German and trying to figure out what they were doing. What ever the situation was I managed to get through it and I never quit.
So in my opinion being short helped me gain the no quit attitude and the idea I could persevere through anything. The other part that I mentioned was sports. If you have ever read Lance Armstrong's book "It is not about the bike" this may sound familiar. Athletes tend to have this attitude that when they are injured or in pain, that they will just power thought it. Lance experienced the same thing. He powered through the pain, the headaches until it was so bad that he knew something was wrong. I experienced the exact same thing. I powered through the pain and the loss of vision until I knew there was something wrong when Kesten was beating me at tennis. However the point I am trying to make is that athletes have this gift of being able to move forward no matter what the circumstance are. They can always find a way to finish the game in an attempt to win. If you are down, you can not put your head down. You must keep moving the ball up the field. When you couple a small fry like myself who had all the odds against him with his size and and give him the heart of a lion, you get quite the athlete. Yes I am bragging and reliving my glory days. But I can not help to think that being an athlete, a small one, has given me a mindset that has helped me fight. I don't know what to call it, but it is almost something that you either have or don't. The great thing is all of my friends have it in one way or another. That is why we are such good friends, we all have that x-factor. We all have that competitive drive. That is the best part about our group. This bond is what has given me the stength to keep fighting.
What else is going on. Alek is great. He is growing and changing every day. It is crazy. I really am not looking forward to going to Houston. I just don't feel like going out there. I know I have to but I'd rather stay here. There is something about going for blood tests, MRIs, and doctors apointments that is just not appealilng. I guess the good thing about Houston will be the weather.
Well I am out of here. Keep it real
Kris
This morning I was thinking about what has shaped my life and what in my aspects of growing up has given me the strength to fight this mad disease they call cancer. There were two things that came to my mind. One was the fact that I was into sports and was an athlete. The other was my size or should I say lack of size. You can laugh. We all know I am not the biggest guy in the world. I was always picked on from the early days all the way to College. I can remember many times being called every name you could think of for a short person. You name it I've heard it. I remember playing soccer in high school and the opposing team's fans would stand behind the goal and just tool on me. Can you grab the cross bar? Well they had a right to pick on me, I was short but I had something that always helped me. I was smart and I was crazy. That helped. When I was young the name calling tended to bother me more then when I was older. I guess I was used to it and I got good coaching from Mom and Dad on how to deal with it. Maggie and Bruno were great in coaching me on how to deal with it. They would say "you show them that being short does not matter by doing .........". I did show them. I think this is where a great deal of my perseverance comes from. I never let people who put me down get in the way of my goals. I always felt like I had something to prove. I always had a challenge to overcome. I never had anything given to me. It wasn't like someone said look at that Beinder kid, he is really short. He is going to be a star. No that did not happen. I had to prove myself and show people my worth. There was one thing I know is that I always gave it my best. Whether it was learning a foreign language so I could fit in. Whether it was trying to find friends after we had moved to a new town. Whether is was stepping on the ice with a bunch of Austrians without knowing German and trying to figure out what they were doing. What ever the situation was I managed to get through it and I never quit.
So in my opinion being short helped me gain the no quit attitude and the idea I could persevere through anything. The other part that I mentioned was sports. If you have ever read Lance Armstrong's book "It is not about the bike" this may sound familiar. Athletes tend to have this attitude that when they are injured or in pain, that they will just power thought it. Lance experienced the same thing. He powered through the pain, the headaches until it was so bad that he knew something was wrong. I experienced the exact same thing. I powered through the pain and the loss of vision until I knew there was something wrong when Kesten was beating me at tennis. However the point I am trying to make is that athletes have this gift of being able to move forward no matter what the circumstance are. They can always find a way to finish the game in an attempt to win. If you are down, you can not put your head down. You must keep moving the ball up the field. When you couple a small fry like myself who had all the odds against him with his size and and give him the heart of a lion, you get quite the athlete. Yes I am bragging and reliving my glory days. But I can not help to think that being an athlete, a small one, has given me a mindset that has helped me fight. I don't know what to call it, but it is almost something that you either have or don't. The great thing is all of my friends have it in one way or another. That is why we are such good friends, we all have that x-factor. We all have that competitive drive. That is the best part about our group. This bond is what has given me the stength to keep fighting.
What else is going on. Alek is great. He is growing and changing every day. It is crazy. I really am not looking forward to going to Houston. I just don't feel like going out there. I know I have to but I'd rather stay here. There is something about going for blood tests, MRIs, and doctors apointments that is just not appealilng. I guess the good thing about Houston will be the weather.
Well I am out of here. Keep it real
Kris
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
