2 to 3

Once again it has been a long time since my last post. The reason why is I really had no news. The saying "No news is good news" does not ring true in this situation. I met with my doctors from Dana Farber on Monday. I was there to have a CT scan of all the areas the cancer has been. Well I will get right to the point. The tumors are growing in size and numbers. The spinal cord is starting to be pushed on by the tumors in the spine. The tumors are also growing into the soft tissue of the spinal cord. This creates massive amounts of pain and loss of strength to my limbs, especially my legs. My legs are very weak and I am having trouble walking. I am going to need a wheel chair for any time that I have to walk long distances. In Addition, the CT scan showed that the tumors in my liver have grown significantly and in turn my liver has expanded. The tumor growth is effecting my liver function and it will continue to get worse. What this means to me is that I will get very tired and have to sleep a lot. The only one positive is that if my liver is the main factor in my death, I will have a very peaceful death. So speaking of death. With all this going on and no treatment options I am dying and I only have 2 to 3 months left. Yes, I can not believe it either. This has been said many times but this time I am pretty sure it is the last. The fact that I am having trouble walking, I am in massive amounts of pain, my prolactin counts are extremely high and my liver has expanded in size are symptoms that have never been so severe. I wish it was different. I really do. I am so scarred. I am however more scared for Katherine. I worry every minute about her and Alek. I am worried how she will handle it. She has been and continues to be such a rock. I am worried that when the times comes she will completely break down. I know I have asked this and I will continue to until the day I die. Please take care of Kath and Alek for the rest of their lives. They will need you. I also have thought that maybe it is good that I die now for Alek. I think if I died when Alek was of an age where he truly understood death that it would be extremely traumatic for him. Maybe that is a just an excuse and a way of convincing my self that it is OK to die. The truth is I would rather live longer and have more time with him. Are you kidding, he is so amazing and brings so much joy to my life in a time where I could easily go into a deep hole and never come out. I also thank all of you for being there for me in these times. I am SO SO SO LUCKY to have the support group I have. I can not imagine having to go through this without you guys. The sad thing is not many people have the team that I do. For this I am thankful.

As you know I love to hear from you guys to PLEASE, make a comment.

I love you all,
Kris