First mentally I am not in the best state of mind. I am trying to be positive about what options we may have out there. However these options/choices are simply like a normal every day guy shooting darts. You just don't know where that dart is going. Right now I don't know where I am going. We know that the cancer is very aggressive now and is coming up in areas that they never imagined and this is obviously very bad and not expected. The question quickly becomes who much longer can I go through this or how long can my body go through this. I really don't know. I can not even think about it right now. Sorry back to facts.
The orthopedic surgeon came by last night around 6pm. Yeah I waited all day just to see him at 6pm. As you can tell, I am a little bitter about that. He really thinks that I should have the hip area radiated. There is a tumor the size of a robin's egg in the hip that could be causing the pain. It it right on top of the hip. So now it is a matter of getting the docs on the same page, because the radiologist said he did not think it would be worth it to radiate. I would imagine that once I can speak with the radiologist we could get started pretty quick. That should alleviate the pain and then I can decide when to start the clinical trial. I just have to see how much longer they can delay me getting in the trial.
One thing I can not even start to address is my thoughts of losing Katherine and Alek. I think I have gone into shock when it comes to this topic. I don't think I am even able to tap the emotions I have for this subject. It is way to scary and depressing to even broach. So for now I will leave it as my wife is the most incredible person for dealing with this. She is raising a child all by her self right now and it does not look like I will be able to help much over the next couple of weeks/months. I don't know how she will do it, I just know she will. I love her so much. Then there is Alek. Since last Thursday I have only seen the LG (Little Guy) for a few hours. I hope I will get to see and hug him today.
I feel like I have gone on way to long again. Sorry!! I will post an update later if I speak with the Radiologist.
Peace to the Peeps
The Beinder Man
