Out of my Skin

I am about to burst out of my Skin. I can not get any answers from my doctors. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am getting so so so so frustrated. I need answers. I need to know what is going on. Patient is a virtue, sure but this is unbearable. The mind is so powerful and it never stops. It does not matter if it is roaring ahead at light speed or it is slowly churning like butter, it messes with you. It sends positive thoughts. It sends negative thoughts. It sends thoughts of joy. It send thoughts of doubt. It sends thoughts of what ifs. It sends you into a gigantic tornado of thoughts and the only goal is to come out of the the wind tunnel with your head on somewhat straight. You just need to be able to look up and see that world as it is. It is right there is front of you. It will go on, just when and how I will effect it in the short term is what is effecting me. I am in an absolute state of limbo. I just want to know what the next step us and where it is going to be.

On the brighter side. Alek is doing amazing. The smiles, laughs, and sounds he gives off are music to my hears. Katherine is so good with him and she continues to be the Rock in my life. Her ability to screen out negativity and stay focused is something that is her strongest asset. I am not sure if I will be ever able to figure out how she does this. Maybe that is why we are so good for each other. I do wish every morning I wake that she did not have to go through this. I love her so much and I just wish it was so much easier, even just a little easier would sometimes be nice. If there is one thing that my illness has given me is "LOVE". Katherine is "LOVE". I could go on and on about her as you know, but I challenge you guys to post a few comments on this subject. Katherine I love you so much.

A quick thanks to both of our parents for enduring these hard times as we count on them for strength, support and patience. Your hands on love is what we need and we would not be able to do it without you. We love you all.