"Progress is Painful"

Frustration is what I feel big time right now. We still do not have an answer on who, when and where my treatments are going to take place. Getting records from one Doctor to another and having all them all get on a the same page is like working a miracle. I can assure you that they all are reviewing and reviewing for the right reasons. I am just glad we have some time to figure this out.

Today the big theme in my mind is what will happen from here. Uncertainty is not a fun place to be. Will I be able to work? Will I be able to keep my job? Will we have to sell our house, we have invested our heart and soul into? Where will we go? Will we be OK financially? Will I be able to walk in 5 years? Will I be able to take care of Alek that way I want to? On and On and On, questions like this pop into my head.

I do all I can to stay focused on the task at hand, Survival. That is the only thing that matters. I must survive this next round of beatings. I must be the heavy weight boxer I portrayed my self as in my poem from 1999. Get up, do not give up. You all know, I will never give up. You know that, but I find that if I can share some of my thoughts with you it is therapeutic. Every single person that has touched my life, I love and cherish so dearly. I want you to be able to see my new family meld into yours. I want Alek to have a tight knit community as the one we all have today. I want to live to see him grow as young children do. I wish I could sometime fast forward my life a few years, so would know that he could say "Dad, I love you!" and see him walk.

Life is truly something that we must not take for granted. Do something you want today. Go get that greasy hamburger for lunch. Go buy those shoes you wanted. Make plans with a friend you have not seen for a while. Say hello to a stranger. Help someone get across the street. Smile, smile, smile at everyone you see. Smile and laughter and medicine that no one can replace with any drug. So that is my motto for the day. Smile and say hello to everyone you can today.

Peace out.
B The Blog Man